Okay, wow, it's been quite a while since I last posted a journal entry, but oh well.
Anyway, I graduated on Sunday so FREEEEEEEEEDOM!!!!
But in all seriousness, I'm not at all happy that I'm done school and such. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy I got this far and that I actually passed every single grade, but I'm far more sad than happy. Everyone I knew at school I'm probably never going to see again and I'm only ever going to visit my teachers when I either have the time or whenever my bros get into high school. Honestly, when I was getting all my teachers to sign my yearbook, I looked around each classroom that I used to be in and I actually wanted to break down crying knowing that it would be the last time I'd ever be in those rooms. For the teachers that got to know me well, it felt like they were close friends of mine and for that reason, I just feel really down and heartbroken. I'm even starting to tear up a bit as I write this.
On top of that, I know how so many people are my age are always so excited about graduating; they want to get out into the real world, learn to drive, get a job, do things on their own. Me on the other hand - absolutely not. Okay, yeah, sure, whenever I would get a ton of homework or something, I'd curse my teachers and pray for the day I actually would graduate and get the hell out of school, but I only ever did those as jokes; I never really meant it. Aside from homework, I loved going to school and seeing everyone and having some laughs whenever some goofball in class would do something off the wall in class. But to have that all gone and to go out into the real world is just a stab to the heart for me. Truth be told, I'm not at all excited to be out in the real world, if anything I'm the exact opposite; I'm extremely scared and have a huge feeling that I'm going to have so much stress this year that I'm going to break down in tears more than once. I got accepted into the university I wanted to get into, but like my uncle had told me, I'm taking the high and difficult road by doing so. I'm going to be facing many obstacles, challenges, and I'll have to make sacrifices just to make everything on my schedule work out. But he says that as soon as I get past the difficult part, everything works out smoothly and becomes much easier and I'll hopefully find myself enjoying it all - but first I have to take on the hard part which is what I'm definitely not looking forward to.
Actually, this entire year has been just a complete emotional rollercoaster for me, there's been far too much sadness and tears for me. I mean, yeah, I had a blast on Friday when I went to my grad dinner and dance (one of the best nights of my entire life for sure), but this year has been a depressing year. No one in my family has ever passed away and if anyone has, then it was when I was really small and didn't really know them. Example, my dad's dad passed away when I was probably seven or eight and it didn't really hit me with sadness because I wasn't that close with him. So I've never experienced a whole lot of pain like some people have. Well this year, two dear family members who I've known since I was little passed away. My great grandma passed away back in February and her death made me sad, but not so sad that I'd break down in tears. I wasn't really close to her. Yes, I knew her since I was little and my family and I would visit her every year, but I never really got into long talks with her or anything. My mom, on the other hand, was really close to her and when she heard the news of my great grandma dying, it tore her apart. I was sad but not painfully sad....not until two months ago. My grandpa - the last one I had, my dad's stepdad - passed away in April and believe me, as soon as my dad told me, it felt like the entire world just crashed on me. I had known my grandpa since I was born; during the years when I would go to preschool, my parents would have to go to work, so they'd drop me off at my grandparents' house. My grandpa would take me to a nearby playground, let me walk their dog, take me down to the market with him and if I was good he'd buy me a slushie. We'd watch Sesame Street or classic Disney movies all the time and considering he was Mexican, he'd teach me some simple Spanish - counting from one to ten, saying the exact place he was born in, and a sentence I later found out meant "Abuelito, may I have one candy please? Thank you" - and if I repeated everything easily, he'd give me a Mento as a reward. It's because of him why I decided to take four years of Spanish class once I got into high school and how I learnt what I was saying all along in Spanish to him ever since I was a tiny thing. He and my grandma had moved to Kamloops when I was probably seven or eight so my family and I only ever got to see them once or twice a year, but nonetheless, just like what we did with my great grandma, we'd visit them every year no matter what. Now, about a year ago, I remember everyone talking about how my grandpa was having some sort of problem with his bladder or some kind of organ rather important and a few months ago, he had to go to the hospital to have it dealt with. From the way things were looking, it seemed like he wouldn't make it to this August (when we usually visit all our relatives) and sure enough, he ended up passing away in his sleep. This news crushed me more than anything ever has in all my life. Yes, I was sad when my great grandma died and yes, I cried when my past few cats passed away, but this was an entirely different thing and I felt like I had died on the inside, knowing I'd never see him again. In fact, I was so crushed that I ended up missing three days of school considering how broken up I was; I even went into school one of those days, thinking I was fine and would be alright, but halfway through first period, I started thinking about him, and once class ended, I ended up going to the office, phoning my mom to come and pick me up, and I broke down into tears. It was horrible. We didn't go to his funeral since a) none of us could afford to miss any work or school and b) my parents figured we didn't need to go; we didn't need anymore sadness and pain that what we were already feeling. So instead, last month, on a Friday, it was supposed to have been his 81st birthday. My parents pulled my bros and I out of school and we went up to Kamloops. All my relatives were there and, instead of mourning over the loss of my grandpa, we were all going to have a great time, share stories, and celebrate what would've been his birthday and since he was Mexican, we were celebrating "cinco de mayo" as well (even though it was long past the 5th of May). Yes, there was sadness at first (when my uncle ended up making a speech about him and reading a poem about my grandpa, I completely lost it even though I told myself that I wouldn't cry), and there still is (it's taking me everything I have not to cry as I write all of this), but there was plenty of happiness and laughter afterwards. I absolutely love family reunions; they're always so much fun. And I know that, compared to everything else I just mentioned, this won't be as sad, but I had ended up forcing myself to finally watch "The Angels of Manhattan" episode of Doctor Who in May and I completely understand why everyone just died after seeing that. I knew what I was getting myself into, but seriously....that episode just killed me. I could NOT stop crying. Even after it ended, I was an emotional wreck. It was horrible!! God, if I cried that hard when the Ponds died, I'm extremely scared about watching the Christmas special when Eleven regenerates. Honest to God, he's my favorite Doctor and forever will be so when he dies, I'm going to react exactly how every Ten fan did when Ten passed: I'm going to drown in my own tears and be an emotional wreck for weeks; guaranteed that's what's going to happen. So as you can see, I've had such a "fun" year so far. I can only pray to God that nothing else heartbreaking happens this year.
ANYWHO, that is NOT why I wanted to write this entry. Why I wanted to write this is because lately I've been watching quite a lot of anime (Death Note, Black Butler, D.Gray-Man, Blue Exorcist, and Fairy Tail - LOVE every single one of them). One of my friends loves anime and manga and she's basically the main reason I started getting into anime and manga two years ago; she'd always talk about Death Note, Bleach, Naruto, or D.Gray-Man with our friends and I never really understood what she was talking about so I started reading Death Note and so began my epic discovery of the world of manga and anime
So what am I writing this entry for? I wanted to ask if any of you guys have seen the following animes or read the manga and if so, are they good? Now, considering I watch Death Note, Black Butler, D.Gray-Man, Blue Exorcist, and Fairy Tail, you can tell that I'm the kind of person who loves fantasy. I'll love anything with action and a legitimately intriguing and engaging storyline. Mainly things with demons or vampires or anything supernatural really gets me interested and as for gore, it depends. Blood's fine, but guts - it kind of depends how much and how graphic it all is. So without further ado, here's the list:
- Code Geass
- Darker Than Black
- Fullmetal Alchemist/Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
- InuYasha (reading the manga)
- Ouran High School Host Club
- Naruto/Naruto: Shippuden (reading the manga)
- Bleach (reading the manga)
- Soul Eater
- Vampire Knight (reading the manga)
- Sailor Moon
- Rosario + Vampire (reading the manga)
- Inu x Boku Secret Service
- Vampire Hunter D.
- Hetalia: Axis Powers/Hetalia: World Tour (I'm well aware that these are all five min. long - surprisingly <.<)
- Attack On Titan
- Deadman Wonderland
- D.N. Angel
- Black Rock Shooter
Please let me know if any of these are good and if I'd like them. Also, if you have any recommendations - any anime or manga I should check out - please let me know; I'd appreciate it.
~ A.R. Robertson